('0') Love my Animal Family ('0')

Monday, July 07, 2008

now at home......just finish work...

shit shit shit........thought today will be better after posting but.....i hate myself lah.........now i simple cannot forgive myself to become like tht......

i'm very tired......due to all those thinking during work.......i realli feel like dying........

no heart to do work and i keep thinking back and shit lah......tht side no internet and i can't flood my friends friendster to kill my time.....

funnie thing is tht when i keep playing psp........i keep thinking abt what had happen.....*sweetness, saddness, happiness, angriness........shit lor......i thought i long hid all the feeling until dunno where liao lor........

last time a few meet out i'm ok de leh...i dun have post symdrom...even i see him with M_Y i also dun feel a pinch lor.....but y now like tht!!! is it we too long no meet liao......but he realli can make me very confuse....but i dun blame him cause its me hu always get wrong idea..(SORRY tht i will have tht felling....stupid of me to have tht feeling)..

yah...he just simply want to play nia and i'm the one hu get the wrong idea......i think i'm so shit lor.....sorrie tht i hai u get angry by R mei.....mei yah i think is all my fault to stick to him.....sorrie.....is i stick him k...so dun angry him liao wor....i dun want u all because of me then angry wor...sorrie to step into the life of u all.....i'm so bad to cause all this out....i hate myself......

yah...alot of ppl ask me if he realli still like me back what will i do......actulli i dunno yet.......but i knoe one sure thing is tht this thing will never happen......he will never like me back......i think he dun like me at all liao.......actuli i do think to go back together but i realli dun want to get myself hurt.....he is realli realli a great guy which will all give had wanting for....for him but i just feel tht he is always no sure of himself....i think he dunno hu he wanted....but i think he can do it, it is just matter of time bah.......

but after so many year......yah my life have pass through alot of diff guys but i still single leh......now everytime i just feel tht no guy will like me at alll..........i'm fat, ugly so rough and useless.......so i treated all guy the same bah...all so brotherly!! they treat me well but i just simply knoe tht we are just friend onli!!...

i realli need a shoulder for me to rest.....but i knoe it is not easy to find.....i'm tired and i realli hate myself to become like tht.....

last time i sms him den dun reply i feel ok , not sad not angry or what lor......but.....so shit i dunno y this few day i'm so sad and unhappie....hate it..

if continue like tht, i can realize tht when u care for ppl they will not apperaciate it...(this case not onli for him but got too much friend de same)..i'm dissapointed and dishearten liao...

........think i need few more day to recover......soon soon soon....tired....i realli do miss him if i'm not wrong, but i should not do it sia......